Hello to all my fellow Pygmies and others lurking hereabouts! Welcome to my lil' addition to the 'Recruit Here!' topic-at-hand.
So, what to say? Where to start? How about 'Hello!' Well, I've been actively applying for Survivor for at least...what is it now?...eight years?
Yep, eight years. Eight years of application videos and the occasional casting call. And I must say it's been a blast. I do have fun jumping through these
hoops and running the Survivor rat race. Never a call back or reply from Survivor Central...yet(we all have to add that 'yet' don't we?) Hope is,
after all, something that cannot be given up on. As long as the show continues, I'll be sendin' in the tapes and throwin' the dice.
Okay, now that that's said and done, where do I begin? Rhetorical, of course, since you can't hear me and by the time you read this, it has long
since been typed. But that's neither here nor there. I'm in my mid-thirties, and I've been told that I resemble either Billy Joel(which I
wholeheartedly disagree with) and Green Day's frontman Billy Joe Armstrong(a comparison which I kinda like) Oh, there won't be any pictures of me here,
no sir/maam. Not only do I want to hold on to some semblance of anonymity, but I haven't Clue One as to how to post them properly. So, you'll just have
to imagine that I'm one of the two rock stars listed above or some mishmash of the two.
Married since 1999, and a father since 2006. Happily on both counts, I might add. Speaking of my wife, I can thank her for my Survivor-Mania. She was watching
it in bed, and as I joined her I remarked something to the effect of, 'What kind of reality crap TV show is this crap?' Redundant, yes, but that's
pretty much what I said. Survivor: Africa it was. After watching for about twenty minutes, I really got into it. In no time, I was yelling at the screen,
slapping my forehead with my hand, and wondering why some of these morons don't 'do this' or don't 'do that'. I told my wife that,
'Hmph, I could do this!', to which she repied, 'Yeah, I can see you doing this. You should try. And so I have, and I do.
If you're still with me, congrats to ya! This is my first 'Pick this Pygmy' attempt after all, long-windedness and run-on sentences aside. So,
where was I? Oh yes, the whole Survivor thing. Why do I want to do this? Well, it was born out of a need to prove it to myself and the moronic contestants that
I was watching that I can do it better. And every once in a while, I still feel that way. But I can say that the real reason why I want this is because it
looks like a hell of a lot of fun, and I won't ever experience it unless I get off my ass and apply for it! Survivor, for all it's twists and turns, is
the ultimate experience! The Alpha and the Omega! No other 'reality show' compares to it. You have Survivor up on top, and all other crap down below
it, looking up from below. (Note: The Amazing Race is fine. Can't disparage that show) I know deep down in the center of my soul that if I were to be
picked for any incarnation of Survivor, that I will triumph. I will Outwit the nitwits, Outplay the 'playas', and Outlast the bastards! I'm not
being cocky here...I'm being my usual pedal-to-the-metal, go for it, earnestly enthusiastic Survivor fanatic that I tend to be sometimes. I already feel as
if I am one out of sixteen/eighteen/twenty(or whatever the hell many contestants there are in a given season) and that, given the chance, will go buck wild on
the game of Survivor without hesitation or limits. To paraphrase one of my favorite scientists: 'I came, I saw, I kicked it's ass!' Hand me a
one-in-sixteen chance at winning Survivor, and I will do just that(then again, all us Pygmies feel the same way, right?) But I mean it. The money is nothing to
sneeze at, but it's really just icing on the proverbial cake to me. Having said that, cake without icing sucks.
And if all else I've said fails to move you, I'm at the very least better than anyone who's made it on Survivor and quit. Don't get me started
on them. I've typed enough as it is already. Survivor quitters are the lowest of the low. Not pond scum per se, but something that eats pond scum. On a
regular basis. Because they like to, not because they want to. You get the idea. And did I mention that I hate some of the questions on the Survivor
application? I mean, what's up with, 'Describe your perfect day' anyway? Well, I suppose that my perfect day is one where I get a call from the
Survivor Gods/Goddesses from way up high on 'Mount L.A.-mpus' asking me to come on out for an interview. But that's painfully obvious, being the
Survivor nut that I am. Oh, I hate flying. Haven't been on an airplane since 1993. I'm willing to forget this little fact for a shot at one million
dollars and the title of Survivor Winner! Worst comes to worst, I don't have to report to my day job for about two months. Time well spent if you ask me.
So, that's my presentation. I hope you liked it. If you did not, then I can't help you. Depending on how fast you read, you either wasted a lot of your
life's minutes or not so much. At least you didn't pay for this. Take some small measure of comfort from that.
Thanks!!!
...Capntarpals
